
As
can be seen from his troubled expression, Rich Dauer, the epitome of
the quiet, steady, reliable middle infielder, has surrendered himself,
albeit reluctantly, to a dialogue with the ever-cheerful and vaguely
racist cartoon representation of an Oriole on his cap. The
conversation, largely a monologue aimed at Dauer in the approximate
voice of Scatman Crothers, most likely began in 1976, when Dauer was
first summoned to the major leagues after blitzing the triple-A
Independent League with a .336 average. The hits stopped coming in the
majors, evidenced by a .103 average during the September call-up, and
Dauer, influenced by a lonely late night hotel room viewing of a
twilight-era Flintstones episode featuring the execrable Gazoo,
attempted to laugh in the face of the widening void by gazing at his
scarily bright and new big-league cap and briefly imagining that he too
had a little friend that only he could see. "Don't you worry none
there, boss," Rich Dauer mumbled, using his hands to make the beak of
the Oriole move. "You'll gets them tomorrow, plain as de sun gone rise
in de west." Unfortunately, when you start telling jokes to yourself,
it's over. Somewhere during the next season, his first full summer of
authoring soft popups and dribblers in the majors, Dauer, a former
number 1 draft choice, a former big star in high school, college, and
the minor leagues, relinquished the reigns on the voice. In this photo,
taken in the spring after that first full season, Dauer appears to be
on the brink of breaking under the weight of the Oriole's exhortations,
which are so unrelentingly cheery that they have begun to reveal within
them the bleak sharp seed of mockery.
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